Fridge Door, Silverware Drawer, Heart Sore

The late night sounds in my house should not bother me. They should be accepted by the 21-year-old daughter living at home for the summer before she heads off with her boyfriend to Beijing for 12 months.

But every night is the same. My mom heads to the kitchen, no, she lingers around the kitchen, and then the refrigerator opens. Containers open, silverware rattles, maybe the TV turns on, bowls are left asunder on the sofa so there is cottage cheese or peanut butter caked on them the next morning. And it's like "that's great there's your substitution for a happy marriage or any form of sexual romantic love for the past 20 years, that's great. Enjoy your snacks". But it's worse than that because that enjoying-of-snacks she indulges in every day, every evening also strikes me through and through and makes my heart yearn for spoonfuls of ice cream and peanut butter too, bowls and bowls of Cheerios or just a shit-ton of whatever-the-fuck-is-in-the-cupboards.

As if food was a logical or viable substitute for ANYTHING. IT'S FUCKING FOOD YOU PUT IT IN A MOUTH HOLE SO YOUR SKIN SACK STAYS UPRIGHT AND YOUR MUSCLE CALLED HEART BEATS ON

but then I guess that's why we have so many of these folks in American, soon-to-be all over the world:

because it has become acceptable to solve your problems and "reward" yourself with eating
to waste your life on eating
to substitute living with eating and food

I was under 500 today because of exercise and lots of veggies. I made a great carrot purée baby food with steamed carrots and a spritz of onion powder, blended together for yumtasticness.
I'm feeling good other than having the Mom-binge-ED on my mind.
Hope you all are having good nights/mornings/daytimes.
xxxooo Eva

Blogger Addict A-whaaa?!!

So the lovely Madamoiselles Sophie, Ava-Rose, and Emry nominated me for a Blogger Addict Award! SO SWEET! It feels nice to be read, and shared with friends.



Anyway here are my opinions, though they may mean nary a thing to thee...

(is this how you do it?)

~J'aime~
1) A day without eating slip-ups
2) Classical music (I have been playing piano my whole life, it's got a special place in my heart, I guess...I love Rachmaninoff, Beethoven, Bach--so structured!, and Debussy)
3) Painting, and FINISHING a painting!
4) Affirmation--I know it's bad, but in any realm of my life others' approval and admiration is prized by yours truly...pathetic?
5) Gardening--because it's wholesome and meditative, burns calories, and VEGGIES ARE FUCKING HEALTHY YO!
6) Thinspo that's aesthetically advanced, a la Zen Thinspo.
7) Nintendo 64--it's a blast from the past!

~Je deteste~
1) When self-doubt and criticism prevent productivity and happiness--the "You're no good!" voice.
2) Being away from my boyfriend...my best friend and love of my life (Read: why my summer has blown--DEFINITELY not literally)
3) Thunder thighs-- 'nuff said
4) The feeling of a stomach distended with food
5) Hyperreality
6) Neoliberalism, conservatism, fundamentalism, basically all those -isms.

Also. J'aime beaucoup/I love, a very very lot...
ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS!
You have been keeping me strong, and positive. Until recently I had no idea there were this many amazing creative people with similar problems to my own. It is seriously so enlightening and motivating to read your words day-to-day.

Merci!
xxxooo Eva

PS: Here they are, the nominations. *Unfolds envelope*
désespérée de maigrir--a pretty new blog to read!
Ms. Peridot, par excellence
Vicki
Zen
Charlie
Eibbroc/Corbbie


post-PS: CHECK OUT THIS MOTHAFUCKIN' WAD OF BLACK GUM I CHEWED
sry, I know it's gross. BUT THE COLOR! WTF!

Fasting, Flabbing, and The Great Green Ganja

hey lovelies,

day 2ish of fasting proved O-K, but I had WAY too many solids:

1 bowl miso soup

1 plum

1 bowl bean/broccoli/pea soup

gum

lots water

and also a lick of weed butter. Shit's tasty! I meant to ask you all though, what is your stance on the ol' Mary J, anyhow? I like how it increases my heart rate and makes me feel light. I don't like how sometimes food gets paired with it, a la the Munchies of Doom.

and now, I guess here are some body pictures. Prepare yourselves.

--ughh---

these are the Cheap Mondays I cannot properly squeeze myself into, as you may note by the bulging button fly. Mostly the lack of fitting-properly derives itself from this area:

[edit: picture removed, I couldn't stand it]

butt/thighs. Don't know if the thunder thighs came outta doing hurdles in track and field, or the Pill, or a curse from the Gods. Either way. bane of my existence, and my desire to fit into skinny jeans properly.

--end ughhhh--

Tomorrow I am planning an all-liquid day. Can't decide what it'll consist of yet. Probs green tea, lemon juice, and kombucha. And TOMATO JUICE NOM NOM

xxxooo Eva