Fridge Door, Silverware Drawer, Heart Sore

The late night sounds in my house should not bother me. They should be accepted by the 21-year-old daughter living at home for the summer before she heads off with her boyfriend to Beijing for 12 months.

But every night is the same. My mom heads to the kitchen, no, she lingers around the kitchen, and then the refrigerator opens. Containers open, silverware rattles, maybe the TV turns on, bowls are left asunder on the sofa so there is cottage cheese or peanut butter caked on them the next morning. And it's like "that's great there's your substitution for a happy marriage or any form of sexual romantic love for the past 20 years, that's great. Enjoy your snacks". But it's worse than that because that enjoying-of-snacks she indulges in every day, every evening also strikes me through and through and makes my heart yearn for spoonfuls of ice cream and peanut butter too, bowls and bowls of Cheerios or just a shit-ton of whatever-the-fuck-is-in-the-cupboards.

As if food was a logical or viable substitute for ANYTHING. IT'S FUCKING FOOD YOU PUT IT IN A MOUTH HOLE SO YOUR SKIN SACK STAYS UPRIGHT AND YOUR MUSCLE CALLED HEART BEATS ON

but then I guess that's why we have so many of these folks in American, soon-to-be all over the world:

because it has become acceptable to solve your problems and "reward" yourself with eating
to waste your life on eating
to substitute living with eating and food

I was under 500 today because of exercise and lots of veggies. I made a great carrot purée baby food with steamed carrots and a spritz of onion powder, blended together for yumtasticness.
I'm feeling good other than having the Mom-binge-ED on my mind.
Hope you all are having good nights/mornings/daytimes.
xxxooo Eva

Beijing Bonanza

I went to a yoga class with Mom today! It was great. I didn't eat at all beforehand, and then was absolutely starving after. It was a hard class too though most of the participants were uppity grannies...

INTAKE FOR WEDNESDAY

1/4 canteloupe ~70 cals

2 celery sticks ~5

1 rice cake ~70

some berries ~40 cals

SO MUCH GUM (jawz are sore y'all)

--sautéed beans, zucchini, mushrooms ~100, there was olive oil

--OMG and I tried making zucchini "noodles" ~10

i saw this on a wonderful blog recently but can't remember whose...anyone? anyone? I wanna cite my sources here.

and they were effing amazing. Zucchini noodles, everyone. I just used a zester to peel them, but you can also just use a veggie peeler. Insta delish.

1/2 artichoke (these things are fiber magic, I swear...and we're stopping there.) ~60 cals

teeny cake slice (fiber one batter) ~150 cals

I think I mighta snacked a little bit extra too, so I'll say 600 calories total today. Not too shoddy...

Also I drank a SHITTON of water. Like 3 or 4 liters maybe?

It's strange because not eating makes me feel like I'm missing something. Like, I have zillions of activities I could do: garden, make more art--paint, printmake, draw, clean, practice piano, sell clothes on eBay...

but these things are more difficult to do than to eat, ya know? There's some psychological theory that says we always tend towards the easiest path. Nommin' is definitely the easiest path, for me at least.

I want to apply for MFA programs. I need a good strong portfolio to go anywhere that meets my standards...this is scary. Especially since all I seem to be doing these days is puttering around, blogging, and playing The Sims 3 (highly recommend this as an alt to eating...it's addictive though...).

But FIRST. I'm going to Beijing, in less than a month. For a whole year. With my boyfriend. We're teaching and living together and I think it'll be absolutely wonderful. I am, however, worried about 2 things:

1) Chinese buffets and cheap, cheap, food and drink

2) Chinese beauty standards. My friend from Taiwan says that she'd be considered "a huge fatty" although she is probably 5'7" and 130ish.

The next year will definitely be a challenge. Esp. since the bf is tall, skinny, and possessing the highest metabolism known to man. Jealz.

Liu Wen...Chinese model par excellence! What a gorgie.

(does anyone know who the other girl is? Hye Park?)

"communism makes a good worker and a skinny girl!"

-a wise person

(all of these quotes are bullshit, of course)

Creepie Crawlies

It's fine in the morning, but it gets a little scary once the hunger pangs start, no?

Intake so far:

coffee w/1/2 cup soymilk (40 cals/cup)

plum/berries, baked (about 30 cals)

ORBIT GUMZZZ, YUMZZZ!

(PM edit, adding:)

sautéed green beans, mushrooms

2 small pieces of tempeh

berries galore

1 plum (picked from a tree in my yard!)

small teensy slice of Mom's birthday cake

...it's going to be a few days until I fully get used to eating >1000 calories

ugh, in the meantime...it's so unfulfilling to eat too much...

model Abbey Lee's meal habits...or PR photo?

"I eat, y'all."

thanks Skinny Gossip!