Poop Q & A

Because I'm gross like that.

--When do you poop?

--How much?

--Do you every force it?/I've heard that's bad but I do all the effing time...

--Do you use laxatives? How often?

--What foods make you feel best doing #2?

Anyhow, now that that's over....

GIVE ME YOUR GROSS ANSWERS GIRLS N' BOYS!

Oh-Ho, Fro-Yo

Thank you lovelies for the comments on my past inebriated post. It means so much to hear "yes! you're doing it right!" though sometimes we don't think so ourselves...



Today was an ok day. I changed my calorie intake daily goal from 500 to 600 on my iPod app (mostly to compensate for the massive amounts of calories taken in per day, to make myself feel better). So on "Lose It" the weight loss app I keep raving about, there are graphs and figures and statistics day-to-day week-to-week, and being a visual girl this just really floats my boat! And you see, when I eat LESS than my goal, there is a GREEN space but if I go over it turns RED and becomes very obviously BADBAD.



My best friend left yesterday which was good for me calorie wise, since her house, and recreation with her always always involves food. My Mommy and I went to the Bay Area (in California) yesterday to hear a piano concert, and ended up nomming in Berkeley which is a fucking foodie HEAVEN. We split a burrito which I was hoping would be vegetarian=veggies but instead it was vegetarian=riceandguacamole, not a great calorie counting time...



Also, is anyone else like totally obsesssssed with fro-yo? It's such a craze in Northern California seriously, like there are 7 frozen yogurt stores in my tiny little college town. Ridic. It's my undoing, especially since the nonfat healthy flavors are often available to sample for free in these tiny lil' cups, with flava flavs like Peanut Butter, Sweet Coconut, Green Tea, and fucking Sugar-free Raspberry. SO DELISH. I need to get back on the South Beach diet modified to restrict all dairy.


fuck you, Pinkberry

I love you all, bonne nuit!

[all photos minus LiLo are of Maggie Cheung, fabulous Chinese actress]

2 OZ of GIn = 64 calories WTF

GHHHHUGHHHH

that is the sound my body makes when it realizes that not only is it inebriated with a fine amount of Seagram's but also that it's flooded with over 150 calories of fucking gin. Why did I think hard alcies had any less calories than wine?
Arghh.

Today my best friend was in town and I did really well if I may say so myself though we indulged in Farmer's Market cheese samples and such....

HOWEVER

I played with my food at her house, even as she downed three choco chip cookies and slices of Gouda galore.
I spread my dinner out as far as I could, a la Cassie from "Skins" (thank you all you lovely British galz who so adore that show and have gotten this California girl fully hooked on it!!!!), playing with my food, toying each bite, wasting time washing dishes and other tasks ANYTHING BUT EATING

all in all I think I still had over 700 calories.
but I did some exercise, so that's good at least.
but FUCK. Still fat. still over 130 pounds.

fucking fattie. blond fattie.

I hate my weight. We went swimming today and it was all I could do not to pinch my stomach in public, just hating on all that flubber....it's the thighs and stomach, goddammmmn.

SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE

anyway, I am drunk. Can you tell? Drunk on like two shots fucking lightweight yarrrrrrr Pirate's Bootie y'all.

Sorry no intake today I have it all on my iPod touch though thanks to "Lose It!" the app for Anorexics and other ED-challenged babes of the Planet.

xxxoxooooo Eva

Sorry for the ridicu-post.
off to watch Skins now.

Fridge Door, Silverware Drawer, Heart Sore

The late night sounds in my house should not bother me. They should be accepted by the 21-year-old daughter living at home for the summer before she heads off with her boyfriend to Beijing for 12 months.

But every night is the same. My mom heads to the kitchen, no, she lingers around the kitchen, and then the refrigerator opens. Containers open, silverware rattles, maybe the TV turns on, bowls are left asunder on the sofa so there is cottage cheese or peanut butter caked on them the next morning. And it's like "that's great there's your substitution for a happy marriage or any form of sexual romantic love for the past 20 years, that's great. Enjoy your snacks". But it's worse than that because that enjoying-of-snacks she indulges in every day, every evening also strikes me through and through and makes my heart yearn for spoonfuls of ice cream and peanut butter too, bowls and bowls of Cheerios or just a shit-ton of whatever-the-fuck-is-in-the-cupboards.

As if food was a logical or viable substitute for ANYTHING. IT'S FUCKING FOOD YOU PUT IT IN A MOUTH HOLE SO YOUR SKIN SACK STAYS UPRIGHT AND YOUR MUSCLE CALLED HEART BEATS ON

but then I guess that's why we have so many of these folks in American, soon-to-be all over the world:

because it has become acceptable to solve your problems and "reward" yourself with eating
to waste your life on eating
to substitute living with eating and food

I was under 500 today because of exercise and lots of veggies. I made a great carrot purée baby food with steamed carrots and a spritz of onion powder, blended together for yumtasticness.
I'm feeling good other than having the Mom-binge-ED on my mind.
Hope you all are having good nights/mornings/daytimes.
xxxooo Eva

I did a boo-boo

I f'd up on the camping trip, eating a total of definitely more than 1000 calories worth of junk food: chips, marshmallows, choco, cookies, et cetera.

I did pat myself on the back briefly when we all stopped for In-N-Out (California's famed fast food joint...it's delicious) and all I got was coffee. So at least there's that. And I didn't have any hot dogs at the campfire because "i'm vegetarian going on vegan".

I got home and ran for 20 minutes. Then I felt awful and wanted to puke though I knew all the calories had already been absorbed in my tum. I then tried to do the salt water cleanse but that really put the digestive system into total chaos--I ended up puking up a lot of water, and a lot of weirdly colored food remainders (sorry for the tmi guys).

So today has been RECOUP day. Which means: lots of probiotics (yoghurt spoonfuls here and there, some kimchi, and later some kombucha too) to repair the digestive system, fiber, and veggies. Also LOTS OF WATER. Aiming for three litres.

Intake so far:
1/2 c fiber one and soymilk (150 cals)
kim chi (like 10 cals)
1 prune (30 cals)

I'm starting up the baby food diet after my day of recouping which means I'll be pureeing lots of peas, prunes, and carrots.
Yay fresh produce.

Hope your past few days have been better than mine...
xxxooo Eva

PS: The gum in my previous post was Wrigley's "5" React: Fruit gum. INTENSE

Blogger Addict A-whaaa?!!

So the lovely Madamoiselles Sophie, Ava-Rose, and Emry nominated me for a Blogger Addict Award! SO SWEET! It feels nice to be read, and shared with friends.



Anyway here are my opinions, though they may mean nary a thing to thee...

(is this how you do it?)

~J'aime~
1) A day without eating slip-ups
2) Classical music (I have been playing piano my whole life, it's got a special place in my heart, I guess...I love Rachmaninoff, Beethoven, Bach--so structured!, and Debussy)
3) Painting, and FINISHING a painting!
4) Affirmation--I know it's bad, but in any realm of my life others' approval and admiration is prized by yours truly...pathetic?
5) Gardening--because it's wholesome and meditative, burns calories, and VEGGIES ARE FUCKING HEALTHY YO!
6) Thinspo that's aesthetically advanced, a la Zen Thinspo.
7) Nintendo 64--it's a blast from the past!

~Je deteste~
1) When self-doubt and criticism prevent productivity and happiness--the "You're no good!" voice.
2) Being away from my boyfriend...my best friend and love of my life (Read: why my summer has blown--DEFINITELY not literally)
3) Thunder thighs-- 'nuff said
4) The feeling of a stomach distended with food
5) Hyperreality
6) Neoliberalism, conservatism, fundamentalism, basically all those -isms.

Also. J'aime beaucoup/I love, a very very lot...
ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS!
You have been keeping me strong, and positive. Until recently I had no idea there were this many amazing creative people with similar problems to my own. It is seriously so enlightening and motivating to read your words day-to-day.

Merci!
xxxooo Eva

PS: Here they are, the nominations. *Unfolds envelope*
désespérée de maigrir--a pretty new blog to read!
Ms. Peridot, par excellence
Vicki
Zen
Charlie
Eibbroc/Corbbie


post-PS: CHECK OUT THIS MOTHAFUCKIN' WAD OF BLACK GUM I CHEWED
sry, I know it's gross. BUT THE COLOR! WTF!

Camping Shlamping--I Missed Y'all!

OM-GEE!
Hello ladies and gents! I'm back from the gorgeous North coast of California and BOY does it feel good to check up on your lively lovely and lascivious posts and comments!

I had a great time and the eating was pretty under control (500, 1000, 700) with the exception of a hot dog and tempeh on the first night. I have to say the iPhone/iPod app, "Lose It" has really been saving me day-to-day. I have an iPod touch that I got free as Apple's student gimmick-"buy a Macbook get a free iPod bla bla bla"-and its transportability is great for keeping track of intake/exercise/calories in general.

Mom and I stopped at American Apparel on the way home and squeezing into a potential-buy bikini was NOT so much fun as lounging on a sandy, pebbly beach with no mirrors within a 20-mile radius, I have to say. Mom was also verrry offended by the presence of many butts, and also Butt in Am Appy though. C'mon mom, it's BUTTS! Silly BUTTS! Although I don't know how I feel about their advertising schemes myself, I feel like the unisex/androgyne/butt-tastic appeal is OK.

I am going to the beach with friends tomorrow. I am KEEPING INTAKE DOWN AND JOGGING ON SANDY BEACHES HIGH

also NO S'MOREZ Y'ALL

also HI! new followers! thanks and nice to meet you!
xxxooo Eva