Thursday, July 22, 2010

Fridge Door, Silverware Drawer, Heart Sore



The late night sounds in my house should not bother me. They should be accepted by the 21-year-old daughter living at home for the summer before she heads off with her boyfriend to Beijing for 12 months.



But every night is the same. My mom heads to the kitchen, no, she lingers around the kitchen, and then the refrigerator opens. Containers open, silverware rattles, maybe the TV turns on, bowls are left asunder on the sofa so there is cottage cheese or peanut butter caked on them the next morning. And it's like "that's great there's your substitution for a happy marriage or any form of sexual romantic love for the past 20 years, that's great. Enjoy your snacks". But it's worse than that because that enjoying-of-snacks she indulges in every day, every evening also strikes me through and through and makes my heart yearn for spoonfuls of ice cream and peanut butter too, bowls and bowls of Cheerios or just a shit-ton of whatever-the-fuck-is-in-the-cupboards.

As if food was a logical or viable substitute for ANYTHING. IT'S FUCKING FOOD YOU PUT IT IN A MOUTH HOLE SO YOUR SKIN SACK STAYS UPRIGHT AND YOUR MUSCLE CALLED HEART BEATS ON

but then I guess that's why we have so many of these folks in American, soon-to-be all over the world:

because it has become acceptable to solve your problems and "reward" yourself with eating
to waste your life on eating
to substitute living with eating and food


I was under 500 today because of exercise and lots of veggies. I made a great carrot purée baby food with steamed carrots and a spritz of onion powder, blended together for yumtasticness.
I'm feeling good other than having the Mom-binge-ED on my mind.
Hope you all are having good nights/mornings/daytimes.
xxxooo Eva

10 comments:

  1. I get annoyed at those sounds too, for the same reasons..
    it is like

    SHHHHHHHHHH I am TRYING not to THINK about FOOD and you are HURTLING it into my earloabs!

    Understand,
    But you did great, I need to get to 500kcal a day again. Soon.

    Love x

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  2. maybe your mum needs support? someone to gently point out that eating doesn't solve problems ...sory if that's out of place.

    i guess starving doesn't solve problems either but we'll take it in our stride ;)

    xo

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  3. Oooh, a new follower, how maarvellous! Helloooo there, my dear Eva! I know what you mean about the tall thing, I am constatly surrounded by tiny petite women, even in reality i tower over most of my female friends. At least now I'm thinner now, when i was bigger I always imagined I was quite giant-like. Teehee, thanks about the photo, but i'm absolutely awful at taking compliments - I end up blushing, stammering and denying it - i'm SURE i'm not an inspiration really *blushes*

    God i know, i feel so hypocritical enjoying the WWE spectacle, but it is SO entertaining. It's like my dirty little secret of entertainment. Like porn! But less acceptable in enlightened society. And pretty much ALL of the characters occupy their own little stereotype box, the legacy, the psychopath etc, none are as offensive and... fucking backwards as JTG. Prancing around like a cunt.

    I think i AM resting on my laurels a bit, but it just isnt for me, i work so much better when i have a focus, a tangible goal. Being unfocused on my weight loss is making me unfocused in the rest of my life, i'm like... rudderless. Blah. I need purpose. But the tapioca that my brain is has been replaced with it is making any level of focus tricky to achieve...

    NOM, the carrot purée actually sounds delicious, i may give it a go. Most of the time i subsist on low fat hummus, spring onions and sweet chili ryvita - max 300cals per day :D Yargh, the people i live with spend most of their lives wandering around snacking unnecessarily on bars of chocolate and biscuits and... things with melted cheese. Urgh.

    Talk to you soon love :)
    x

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  4. it's tough to avoid food! you handled it all so well. good job keep strong.

    xo chloe

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  5. I understand about your mum, when I was 12 my mum used to do the same and I used to lie in bed listening to her eat wanting to come and join her but knowing she'd she shout at me. I never understand why she did it, used to confuse me, but then again I was young. It's proberly where I got my bad habit of eating late a night! Keep strong and 500cals is fantastic xx

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  6. God, I hate it when I hear my dad or my brothers rustling around in the kitchen for something to eat. I just want to yell at my dad to put the bag down when he is eating chips on the couch while I am trying to read sitting in the next chair over. It's impossible.

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  7. It probably sounds stupid, but housework.
    Its probably stupid to count that as exercise, but I run up and down the stairs, and hoover and move furniture around, so I thought fuck it I do loads why shouldn't it count??
    At 119 cals burnt per hour its alright.

    O well done on your intake.
    O baby food, I love the little pudding pots nom nom nom.
    X

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  8. Sorry meant 119 cals burnt per half hour.

    Sorry I know it doesnt really matter, but I don't like my number being wrong.
    Its just one of my things
    X

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  9. Ah, I've just returned to the world of Bloggerdom after having been on hiatus for a bit...and...and...You are just LOVELY!!!

    :D

    So glad to make your acquaintance!! <3

    Looking forward to reading so much more of you, gorgeous!

    <3

    P.D.

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  10. STAY STRONG.
    shoot, why am i telling you to do something that you're clearly doing perfectly on your own :)
    Mad respect staying strong while you watch your mother eat, and eat.

    And I agree; food IS JUST FOOD!!!!
    how does it rule our lives like so?? it's disgusting X(

    And as a reply to your comment:
    :D.
    thanks a bunch, your words actually did help!
    Yeah,,, i suck at words, but just know that your comment was recieved with much appreciation.
    xX

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